I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
