How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
