god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
