I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
