bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I want her autograph on my taint
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
