My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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