Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
