trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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