Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
