I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
