So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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