U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
