i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
