am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
