i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
