the day after is always just damage control
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
vagina is talking i cant
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
