Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
