My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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