Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
