He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
