i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
