So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
