How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
