i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
