My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
