mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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