So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
