ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
