So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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