soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
