Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
