She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
