Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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