i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
