We're like a lot better than the average bears
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dignity is for republicans.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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