Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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