there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
