so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
