just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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