Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
