I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
