I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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