i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
