You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
