i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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