great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
