thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
