I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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