Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
