he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
