A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
