chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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